Some people transform you. Some women appear in your life and open a door overflowing with light and sensations, all of a sudden. When faced with them, there is no option but deliberate surrender.
Sometimes you don’t realise how much someone has influenced you until they walk away. You do not appreciate them until life gives you perspective, when you see them from a distance and a wider lens.
Yet in the case of the person that this post is about, I’ve been lucky to realise immediately what she means to me, now that she is still by my side.
I am going to talk to you about Viktoria, about my sexual evolution, about my increasing attraction towards women and my advances in my freedom to share my affections and sexual activities.
The first time I saw Viktoria Vaar’s website I felt a distinct attraction towards her, and a strong desire to meet her. From our first date I realised that our relationship would be an interesting story. One of those you wish would never end.
But let me start a bit before that. First there was Mar, my dearest Mar. She was the first woman I ever had sex with, and started breaking many of the preconceptions I had about my sexual desire. But back then I was clueless and I felt a bit blocked. With her I shattered some of my preconceptions about bisexuality and I discovered how fascinating it is to kiss a woman and be intimate with her. But I still had a long way to go.
Then there was Lana, a whirlwind of fresh energy and fun. With her I shared extremely exciting experiences. With her and other girls that I met at work I started to relax and I could realise, now free of any blockages, that I was deeply bisexual.
With both Mar and Lana I discovered one of the best inventions in the world (apart from the electric screwdriver): the strap-on. Also that having sex with women I could have sensations like those I get after an intense meditation session. That’s how I measure my joy. When something makes me stop thinking, forget about the entire world and completely lose the notion of time and space, that means that it influences my well-being to a great extent, and thus I hold on to it.
And that’s how I’m holding on to Viktoria, a truly beautiful person that has arrived to my life just when I wondered if I could ever fall in love with a person of my own gender — as this had never happened to me before.
Well, my questions and musings are more complex, but this is a simple version. If anyone wishes to know more, we can discuss it during a date over a glass of wine.
Let’s say that I’m no longer afraid of sex with people of a gender that is different from the one I was assigned at birth. From then on I have had way more freedom than four years ago, with everyone, and not only in a sexual sense but also on a personal and emotional level.
I look at Viktoria and I think that if I’m not careful I’ll fall in love with her. And I love that feeling of vertigo, of freedom and intrigue that makes me feel more alive than ever.
